Close but no cigar...

I was travelling by train yesterday. The train was absolutely crammed with people. It was most annoying. Usually I don't mind it so much, commuters tend to just sit down and shut up. But yesterday I was sitting just in front of a man travelling in the company of his wife and what appeared to be her friend. He was talking non-stop in a very patronising manner, giving these poor women (well, I guess one of them had actually chosen to marry him, so technically it was one poor woman and one stupid one) a lecture on cigars and kilts. The funny thing was, that they were sitting where I couldn't actually see them, and I found myself forming an opinion on what he necessarily had to look like and wear and so on based on what he was saying and how he was saying it. His voice was actually very pleasant, and he was talking without hesitation, just sort of stating things rather then stressing them. He mentioned being on the board of some company or other, and also having been the manager of something else. Based on this I presumed he'd be wearing a suit. For no good reason, I also thought he'd be blonde. For probably at least 10 minutes he was talking non-stop about cigars. The women were obviously not particularly interested, but that didn't stop him at all. I mean, I take a very blasé interest in cigars, in the way you do when you very occasionally smoke one and don't want to come across as a complete idiot because you don't know the first thing about them. But even I was bloody bored by his idiotic lecture. Then he was talking about how he'd once worn a kilt to a social at some university, and how it was the most comfortable piece of clothing he'd ever worn. And also that - thanks to the kilt - more people than ever had wanted to dance with him. Well, I've always been fond of kilts, so I didn't mind the kilt conversation so much. But as I got up to leave the train, I was übersurprised to see what this person looked like. If he would've been talking about in what trashcan you can find the best garbage for dinner I would've been less surprised. He was fat, had greasy brown hair, glasses, acne, well, the list of unpleasant attributes is endless. Weird.