Have you ever kissed a girl?

It's the same thing every year, or so I've learnt. The first year I was absolutely gobsmacked at the incredible number of either very fat or very skinny teenage boys with bad skin that all of a sudden seemed to have hijacked my local supermarket. And they were all buying loads and loads of Coca cola, Red Bull and crisps. As I expressed this curious sight to someone, this someone (who have more insight into worldy matters than I, it would appear) explained to me that this weekend is "Dream-hack" weekend. I politely said "pardon?", and got the explanation that it's an event that attracts computer geeks from all over the country and for a few blissfull days they retire from their bedrooms to join this mass gathering. Now I've learnt to recognise the phenomenon. As soon as every pizza place within a square mile is crowded by boys in what looks like very comfy but disastrously unstylish trousers, it's Dream-hack. Or as soon as a boy in early puberty looks at you going "Uuuuh, d'ye know if there's a pizza place anywhere near" and then is incapable of following your instructions to the nearest pizza place, it's Dream-hack. I hate them. They're ugly, they get in the way, they're rude and smelly, and all I want to do is to walk up to them and ask "so... you've ever kissed a girl?".